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Our writer, fresh from her big breakup, has been asked out by a gorgeous guy who seems to be a major player. What to do?
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By Maggie Kim
 n this second installment of Happen’s new dating diary, single New Yorker and rock musician Maggie has met a gorgeous prospect named Ivan. But is he just another player like her ex? Maggie’s friend Sylvie claims she has the answer—and it’s far from good news. Read on for the scoop.
Wednesday, 9:20 a.m.
Just got off the phone with Sylvie, who’s heard from “numerous sources” that Ivan, as I’d feared, is a bit of a player. Crap. But come on, Maggie, what did you expect? He’s good |  | | Should I go ahead and play the player? It could be fun. |  |
looking, tall, makes oodles of cash, and lives in a city seething with women dying to make it into his date book. That certainly explains all his flirty text messages with no concrete invitation for a date—he was probably on a date when he texted me. Hmmm. Should I pursue a guy who’s probably got a girl for every day of the week (just like my awful ex D. did)? Or should I go ahead and play the player? It could be fun. And I could use a little fun, after all.
Thursday, 1:45 p.m.
Success! Have wrangled a date out of Ivan. It wasn’t too hard. Some cute, suggestive texts from me and boom, he called to ask if I wanted to have dinner at Blue Ribbon tomorrow night (if anything, dating is a great way to try out restaurants I’ve always wanted to go to). This will be my first one after the breakup with D. I hope my dating skills haven’t gotten too rusty.
Friday, 8:26 p.m.
Ahhh! My laundry never got dropped off! What the $%&@ am I going to wear??? Given my limited options, I’m down to either way-too-fancy-for-a-first-date dresses or the New York uniform of jeans and a sexy top. It might be boring, but I’m going for the uniform. Don’t have time to be more creative.
Saturday, 2:14 a.m.
So my date tonight with Ivan was… interesting. He met me right outside the restaurant, which he conveniently lives two doors down from (a player move if I ever saw one!). He was as gorgeous as I remembered and a lot more fun than I would have thought from a Finance Guy. I know, I know, I shouldn’t judge people based on what they do for a living, but these are some conclusions I’ve drawn after dating in this town for a few years: Finance Guys are goal-oriented, like to throw money around, get wasted on the weekends, party in the Hamptons in the summer, date up to three, maybe four, girls at a time, and are extremely commitment-phobic. No doubt about it, Finance Guy squarely falls under the umbrella of Unavailable Guy, and this type should be avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, it’s exactly the type I’m hopelessly attracted to (D.).
Anyway, before Ivan started working at the hedge fund he’s at now, he had started his own Internet company. I’m always impressed by anyone who has the courage to do his or her own thing. What’s also cool about Ivan is that he’s from Eastern Europe, and the first one in his family to go to college (and what a college—Harvard!). Plus, he’s like trilingual or something. I’m such a sucker for that. They just seem so much more sophisticated. Come to think of it, my ex D. was also trilingual (coincidence?).
We spent most of dinner on typical first-date getting-to-know-you stuff. At one point (blame it on the sake), I was tempted to share a little too much and admit I was heartbroken from my breakup with D., but — smart girl — kept my mouth shut. What a buzz kill that would have been. Luckily, Ivan kept the conversation light, and had done his homework. Like any self-respecting dater, he’d Googled me (I used to think that was creepy but come on, we all do it—and it’s a whole lot easier to get the dialogue rolling that way). This had led him to my website and music, which he was smart enough to compliment. The easiest way to get into a songwriter’s heart is to compliment her songs, so score one for Ivan!
After dinner was where things got weird. He invited me up to his apartment to try some chocolates he’d brought back from his last business trip to Russia. I declined, but succumbed to kissing him in front of his door. The kissing was strange for me because it’s been so long since I’ve kissed someone besides D. But it was nice all the same. Then | | | He spent the next half-hour trying to get me to go to bed with him. | |
he practically begged me to come upstairs. I finally agreed, but said loud and clear, “Me coming up does not signify me wanting to do more than kiss.”
He agreed and I went up to his place. Clean, non-descript, very much a boy’s apartment without too much thought to decoration. We hung out in his living room where he offered me the chocolates. Which weren’t that great; I found out later that Russia’s not exactly prized for their chocolates! Then, to make matters worse, he spent the next half-hour trying to get me to go to bed with him. It was really annoying because a) I thought I was pretty straightforward about not wanting to do that, and b) there’s nothing more pathetic than a guy begging you to sleep with him. Even after I said I was leaving, he invited me to stay over — just to sleep — since it was so late. But I turned down the generous offer and went home. I can only imagine what kind of “sleep” I would have gotten trying to fend off Mr. Octopus all night. Doesn’t he know he’d just killed any chance I might have said yes later on?
Or is it me? Had I been dating D. so long I was out of touch with today’s dating code? Maybe simply agreeing to go up to a guy’s place means you’re going to have sex with him? And normally, I’ve always been the kind of girl to flout that silly three-date rule where you wait to have sex with someone. I’m also a big believer that the best way to get over an ex (i.e., D.) is to jump right back on the horse, so to speak. But his breakup was different. I’ve been feeling way too fragile to want to get intimate with anyone right away. Is it the fact that I’m no longer in my early twenties? Or does it mean I’m still hung up on D.? God, this breakup has done such a number on me!
Bottom line: I doubt I’ll be hearing from Ivan again, but I can’t say I’m too disappointed.
Monday, 11:19 a.m.
Surprise, surprise. Got an email from Ivan first thing this morning, apologizing for acting like a horny teenager and would I like to try again? I like that he was mature enough to apologize, but I’m a little wary about a second date. Does he mean what he says? Should I go for it?
Maggie Kim is a musician (maggiekim.com) who’s living and dating in New York City.
Click here to read the previous installment of this dating diary. Click here to read the next installment. Click here to read our guy writer's diary.
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How would you feel about your date using a Groupon (or some other discount deal) to pay for your date? |
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14% |
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Mortified that the other person seems so cheap |
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35% |
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I really don’t care one way or the other |
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52% |
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Totally support it… after all, dating is expensive! |
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